and i would sing you a loud lullaby. when you hover aside and fall asleep. and when you drift in dreams... my loud lullaby will keep you awake.
People never understand the meaning of having something precious until they lost it, you know what I mean...??. It can be loosing your stuff or money ( blame those damn thief and how clumsy you are !! ), Loosing someone you loved and so on...
Why do we have to loose something just to feel that we had it once ??, well it's the only way... In fact , loosing something cost us too much pain.....we can't sleep well, our jobs become a real mess, our food becomes tasteless, everything just not right....
I just lost someone I really loved, body and soul. She said that our relation was " ill " , and she prefers to shut it down. It seems unfair, while I feel that we can turns things around. But everything was already said and done, she said she just can take my lack of " attention ", I realize that I'm not a man who said I love you a lot. we showed our love in many different ways, so was I !!. I just doesn't understand why she choose to leave...
Things began to turn worse when someone else stepped in the middle, and she felt that he can gave her what she needs. So there she goes. Five years of relation gone in a glance !!. I loved her so much, I'll give up anything to turn things around, willing to change !!. But I guess she needed more than that..., and that damn thing called regret came late as always, then bad luck begins to be a good friend, a few days later I lost some money, that money supposed to be my final assignment cost in college...( for God sake, you don't want this " friend " to tag along !! )
My friends asked me to let go, I don't know !!. It's always be hard and painful if you wanted to reach someone, you knock on their heart and they didn't even step to the front door !!. " Forgive yourself !! ", said one of my friend. In pain and anger I yelled, ".....Forgive my self for what ??, for letting her slipping away ??..., for not seeing this thing coming ??,.. for not saying I love you a lot.. , for not be able to care enough..!!, Forgive my self for WHAT ??!!. For God sake, she didn't have to say anything and I already now what she's thinking, I already know how her mood just by hearing the sounds of her shoes stepped towards my room...., which part of my self I had to forgive ?? . I'm looking for answer not forgiveness !!". My friend replied calmly " what kind of answer ??, you had your answer ..."
As those words stops echoing, everything muted. I cannot felt anything but pain. My friend leaves me alone as something salty begin to flow trough my cheek...
Humans..., we thought every single thing moved smoothly....but it didn't. The most painful part is that I cannot figure my self on her eyes..., the fact that I knew her too well.....,Or did I ??, If I knew her well, things wouldn't turn out to be like this. Humans eh ??.
Reality always know the best spot to stab us where it hurt most. I realize this could happen to anyone of us, so right now I'm trying hard to survive, and as a start maybe forgiving my self. As painful as it said, My friend reminds me and makes me realize that forgiving is always a brave option. And I know for sure that everything is easier to be said than to be done. But at least I'm trying........posted @ 3:16 AM 1 comments
Why do we have to loose something just to feel that we had it once ??, well it's the only way... In fact , loosing something cost us too much pain.....we can't sleep well, our jobs become a real mess, our food becomes tasteless, everything just not right....
I just lost someone I really loved, body and soul. She said that our relation was " ill " , and she prefers to shut it down. It seems unfair, while I feel that we can turns things around. But everything was already said and done, she said she just can take my lack of " attention ", I realize that I'm not a man who said I love you a lot. we showed our love in many different ways, so was I !!. I just doesn't understand why she choose to leave...
Things began to turn worse when someone else stepped in the middle, and she felt that he can gave her what she needs. So there she goes. Five years of relation gone in a glance !!. I loved her so much, I'll give up anything to turn things around, willing to change !!. But I guess she needed more than that..., and that damn thing called regret came late as always, then bad luck begins to be a good friend, a few days later I lost some money, that money supposed to be my final assignment cost in college...( for God sake, you don't want this " friend " to tag along !! )
My friends asked me to let go, I don't know !!. It's always be hard and painful if you wanted to reach someone, you knock on their heart and they didn't even step to the front door !!. " Forgive yourself !! ", said one of my friend. In pain and anger I yelled, ".....Forgive my self for what ??, for letting her slipping away ??..., for not seeing this thing coming ??,.. for not saying I love you a lot.. , for not be able to care enough..!!, Forgive my self for WHAT ??!!. For God sake, she didn't have to say anything and I already now what she's thinking, I already know how her mood just by hearing the sounds of her shoes stepped towards my room...., which part of my self I had to forgive ?? . I'm looking for answer not forgiveness !!". My friend replied calmly " what kind of answer ??, you had your answer ..."
As those words stops echoing, everything muted. I cannot felt anything but pain. My friend leaves me alone as something salty begin to flow trough my cheek...
Humans..., we thought every single thing moved smoothly....but it didn't. The most painful part is that I cannot figure my self on her eyes..., the fact that I knew her too well.....,Or did I ??, If I knew her well, things wouldn't turn out to be like this. Humans eh ??.
Reality always know the best spot to stab us where it hurt most. I realize this could happen to anyone of us, so right now I'm trying hard to survive, and as a start maybe forgiving my self. As painful as it said, My friend reminds me and makes me realize that forgiving is always a brave option. And I know for sure that everything is easier to be said than to be done. But at least I'm trying........posted @ 3:16 AM 1 comments
Hell break loose...again
Another bombing, after Bali and now Jakarta.......people died knowing without any reason. Being the sacrifice but not knowing for what reason. Their loved ones who left behind cries, it's unfair....as they cries. Right now some of them still questioning their God in their prayer. While the other might have lost their faith in God....
Imagine this, when their loved one died in such horrible way. Their beloved wondering why they have to die in such way. Right now they didn't know where to stand. Their children wondering why there were so many people dressed in black and cries in their house. Right now, a mother takes a look at his boy and doesn't have any idea how she can afford his future....even some people ask why God remain silent... Those familiar prayer whisper from their mouth...
I remember when one day one of my friend drop by and he brought with him some documentary movies on the riot act in Poso and Ambon.. Even now... Still...., I can draw the image of the slaughter, When we watched the videos and the photos... All we can see is blood and smoke...we can smell them., For God sake.., they're slaying children. And they were brothers back a while. They killing each other for an undefined cause.. an unsolved riddle. We stood there watching those pictures... Then me and my friends looked at each other and we didn't have to spit the words out....everything began to make sense..., they are not human.
I had the stomach to watch the slaughter, but not my conscience...
Yet, those AK - 47 still swarming blood thirsty bullets in Iraq and Aceh, The Israeli tanks bursting missile to Palestine houses, yet, those damn terrorist sworn for their own justice. blood for blood, an eye for an eye, they claimed to have their own reason. And this whatever it is, their reason takes lives !!. Maybe they just trying to give the angel of death an overtime jobs !!, And the fact that the " real terrorist " is standing there untouchable makes me sick !!...Reason ??, Answer ??...., you can say everything happens for a reason. But I just didn't understand, why humans have to take others life, why humans hurts others feeling for a certain goal. You can bet that they have their own answer to my question..., but I just didn't understand, I will never be able to understand....posted @ 1:23 PM 2 comments
Another bombing, after Bali and now Jakarta.......people died knowing without any reason. Being the sacrifice but not knowing for what reason. Their loved ones who left behind cries, it's unfair....as they cries. Right now some of them still questioning their God in their prayer. While the other might have lost their faith in God....
Imagine this, when their loved one died in such horrible way. Their beloved wondering why they have to die in such way. Right now they didn't know where to stand. Their children wondering why there were so many people dressed in black and cries in their house. Right now, a mother takes a look at his boy and doesn't have any idea how she can afford his future....even some people ask why God remain silent... Those familiar prayer whisper from their mouth...
I remember when one day one of my friend drop by and he brought with him some documentary movies on the riot act in Poso and Ambon.. Even now... Still...., I can draw the image of the slaughter, When we watched the videos and the photos... All we can see is blood and smoke...we can smell them., For God sake.., they're slaying children. And they were brothers back a while. They killing each other for an undefined cause.. an unsolved riddle. We stood there watching those pictures... Then me and my friends looked at each other and we didn't have to spit the words out....everything began to make sense..., they are not human.
I had the stomach to watch the slaughter, but not my conscience...
Yet, those AK - 47 still swarming blood thirsty bullets in Iraq and Aceh, The Israeli tanks bursting missile to Palestine houses, yet, those damn terrorist sworn for their own justice. blood for blood, an eye for an eye, they claimed to have their own reason. And this whatever it is, their reason takes lives !!. Maybe they just trying to give the angel of death an overtime jobs !!, And the fact that the " real terrorist " is standing there untouchable makes me sick !!...Reason ??, Answer ??...., you can say everything happens for a reason. But I just didn't understand, why humans have to take others life, why humans hurts others feeling for a certain goal. You can bet that they have their own answer to my question..., but I just didn't understand, I will never be able to understand....posted @ 1:23 PM 2 comments
behind the blog
- yani patrik
- Indonesia
- My profile
some warm coffee
box of past tense
- January 2003
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