As always...

Letting go something precious is always a hard option, some of us and maybe I did to. We create our own hell. I spend these last day trying to re-explore things in past. Looking for an answer. How the heck this thing could happen. I read all the letters and writing both my ex and I made long way back. Instead of crying hard I found my self laughing in tears...realizing that actually we let so many things slipping away from our hands...

I found out that things hasn't change, promises made are not done. Both of us trying to change for the good of this thing so called relation. Instead of changing both of us ended up loving but hurting each other. I don't have to tell you the details.

So I've made my decision to let go. As painful as it said, I called her and you know what ??, by the time I decide to tell her that I'm letting go...my voices got stuck in my throat !!. Tough I finally said it, my voices aren't that clear. So I went to see her, and finally eyes to eyes...I said something that deep down I don't want to say...

She has every right to choose, and makes her own decision. No matter how hard I tried to convince her that we can turn things out, ...anything I did just wouldn't change a thing. The fact that I missed and ignoring simple things while we still together turns out to be devastating..., so finally I had to make my decision too....

Maybe I lied to my conscience, maybe I'm just pretending that I'm strong. Right now every time we meet and talks, things suddenly became endless conversation. We go in circles with no point to settle. To be honest.., I can't take it anymore.

If you think I choose not to love her anymore....you got it wrong. I love her, I still care . I just felt that I cannot let things to be like this. I cannot let my self drowning. I have to move on. I definitively never want to join the band of suicidal fools....., and I never trusted those damn drugs and alcohol anyway !!

So....did I still had a hope that maybe one day we'll be together again ??. The truth is ...I don't know. I don't want to keep a hope that turns out to be a growing blur image. Maybe she's not the one I've been looking for. Maybe she's the one to make me realize what it felt like when we were separated from someone we loved. I learn a lot from this....

And look for the bright side !!, at least I know that she failed to see me completely. And take me as I am.

Right now, the best thing I can do is praying,..... for the best for both of us.

So here I am.....letting go.posted @ 12:20 AM   1 comments

You've heard these old tale. A lullaby, whispered by old folks. A lullaby about dreams...a lullaby that there's your soul mate somewhere, waiting for you. Or you've read it somewhere..., while another story told us that there's a sleeping beauty, waiting for a perfect prince to land the sweetest kiss to end its eternal sleep. Well, those lullaby never dies..

Let me tell you this undefined chapter...

He was a knight in shining armor, riding his white steed..., searching for a princess.., But for him this story turns to be an upside down reality. Yes..., I tried to be that brave knight. And I've found a princess. So.., there it goes..., the perfect tale that old lullaby told me. But only it has a different ending.

Everything turns out ugly, she was saved by the wrong knight....and that would be me, the fact that she belongs to a wealthy lord. Without saying goodbye she just disappear... The chapter ends as he stands alone. In rusted armor and with exhausted steed he quit fighting..., no more princess !!.

Suddenly out of the blue, someone step in front of him, Oh Great !!, this is what I need...someone mocking me !!, maybe laughing on my failure. Could it be any harder than this ??, but then he knows he was wrong. It was another princess, but she was so modest and humble. When he look closely to her face, she smiles. Her face draws the most beautiful smile that he ever met. When she speaks, those words flowing smoothly." . But when he thought he found his answer, he realize that he still a fallen knight, and she was too good to be true..., he choose to walk away from her...

" And after a long journey, I've found a new princess. And then everything moved perfectly, my glorious day is there in front of my eyes....I even forgot about my simple princess. But everything became an upside down reality. Somehow in her eyes, I became the perfect monster. She runs away with another knight...another ugly ending..."posted @ 6:31 AM   3 comments

Fast changes are arriving....

Sometime, when you stand in front of a mirror, you see something different. You didn't found your self on it. The reflection was not you, it was someone else. You realize that something changes. The image looks just like you but it wasn't you, your ego maybe ??, or your arch-enemy ??. Or you see a hero in front of you ??.

If you ask me what I see, I saw my arch-enemy. I saw the man who laughs at every single failure that I made. I saw a man who supposed to be the cause of my failure, I saw my laziness, I saw my incapability, I saw my weakness, I saw my pain, I saw my anger....., I saw my dark side. And that moment I had to decide to deal with him or run away....

I choose to deal with him.

It's not easy to deal with someone you've lived with since you were born. He knows me too well. I almost give up, but when I see that face again.., I know I can't take it anymore. Enough is enough...

So I decided to fight with a bigger will, with a constant prayer.

Did it works ??, well... I do have a slight improvement. And I know that a small step or a big step, it's going to take me further, to make all what I want to do with my life became a reality. Right now I choose to crawl, then I hope I'll be able to stand, walk and run to my path of life. I know that I can do it, I must !!. I can't let that " good for nothing " bastard win !!.

Is this a turning point ??, maybe it is. If you find a hero reflected by a mirror, then I'm glad for you. If you find that bastard, don't hesitate to fight !!. This is your life and you're the king !! ( And I dare to bet you...., that crown doesn't fit on their heads !! )posted @ 6:26 AM   2 comments