As always...

Letting go something precious is always a hard option, some of us and maybe I did to. We create our own hell. I spend these last day trying to re-explore things in past. Looking for an answer. How the heck this thing could happen. I read all the letters and writing both my ex and I made long way back. Instead of crying hard I found my self laughing in tears...realizing that actually we let so many things slipping away from our hands...

I found out that things hasn't change, promises made are not done. Both of us trying to change for the good of this thing so called relation. Instead of changing both of us ended up loving but hurting each other. I don't have to tell you the details.

So I've made my decision to let go. As painful as it said, I called her and you know what ??, by the time I decide to tell her that I'm letting go...my voices got stuck in my throat !!. Tough I finally said it, my voices aren't that clear. So I went to see her, and finally eyes to eyes...I said something that deep down I don't want to say...

She has every right to choose, and makes her own decision. No matter how hard I tried to convince her that we can turn things out, ...anything I did just wouldn't change a thing. The fact that I missed and ignoring simple things while we still together turns out to be devastating..., so finally I had to make my decision too....

Maybe I lied to my conscience, maybe I'm just pretending that I'm strong. Right now every time we meet and talks, things suddenly became endless conversation. We go in circles with no point to settle. To be honest.., I can't take it anymore.

If you think I choose not to love her anymore....you got it wrong. I love her, I still care . I just felt that I cannot let things to be like this. I cannot let my self drowning. I have to move on. I definitively never want to join the band of suicidal fools....., and I never trusted those damn drugs and alcohol anyway !!

So....did I still had a hope that maybe one day we'll be together again ??. The truth is ...I don't know. I don't want to keep a hope that turns out to be a growing blur image. Maybe she's not the one I've been looking for. Maybe she's the one to make me realize what it felt like when we were separated from someone we loved. I learn a lot from this....

And look for the bright side !!, at least I know that she failed to see me completely. And take me as I am.

Right now, the best thing I can do is praying,..... for the best for both of us.

So here I am.....letting go.