a [loud] lullaby: December 2004

and i would sing you a loud lullaby. when you hover aside and fall asleep. and when you drift in dreams... my loud lullaby will keep you awake.

H.E.L.P INDONESIA

2 comments Published Friday, December 31, 2004 by yani patrik.

posted @ 10:26 AM 2 comments

Faiths Ask of Quake: 'Why Did You Do This, God?' Reuters - Thu Dec 30, 5:48 PM ET It is one of the oldest, most profound questions, posed by some of the most learned minds of every faith throughout the course of human history.

Well, I have my own year end contemplation.... And I would take an unusual comparation between Aceh and Smallville.... Yes, the same Aceh province that recently suffer because the eartquake and tsunami attack, and the Smallville you seen on TV.

If u happen to watched Smallville on the it's 2nd season, there is one of my fave episode. In that episode, Whitney (Lana's
ex-bf) is died on his mission in Aceh Province... ( And that was kinda silly actually... U.S. troops on a war mission in Aceh?... ). But that's
not the point... since now maybe U.S. are sending their troop to help the Indo Army..
At the end of the episode... Lana cries and told Clark, that those close person in her life is starting to go away, first her parents, her aunts and now her ex-bf... She said “You are the only one good constant thing in my life Clark… And I don’t want to lose you too...”

And recently the people in Aceh has lost too many good constant things in their life, not only one... father, mother, husband, wife,
children, family, colleagues, and many things... I cannot imagine what kind of strenght those people had for just being able to stand on their
feet after those losses...

If I'm Clark Kent, I would gallop to Aceh as fast as I could if I was... but I'm not and never will be...

I wonder why this thing happens?... I mean, why do it have to be my country?... I have a chat with Ayiek a few day ago and [info]kangbayu yesterday and they make a very good point of view... I cut some part of the chat

the chat with kang_bayu :
here

stizilkin: lg baca artikel2 tsunami nih....
anaxehat : mendadak "tsunami" jadi keyword yang ngetop ya...
stizilkin: the death toll man...
stizilkin: knp juga negara kita yg kena...
stizilkin: ga israel aja...
stizilkin: :(
anaxehat : israel dah ga perlu dikasi peringatan kayaknya...
anaxehat : kita yang masih harus disadarin biar bersatu....
stizilkin: hm... u got a point there...
stizilkin: tp kl yg namanya peringatan aja udah hampir 60,000 nyawa...
stizilkin: yg namanya hukuman ky apa ya?...
stizilkin: :|
anaxehat : unspeakable....
stizilkin: and unthinkable...
anaxehat : semoga manusia pada cepet sadar...
anaxehat : terutama pemimpin2 Indonesia dan umat Muslim
stizilkin: amin...

the chat with Ayiek :
here

ayieks: humm...ckckck...
ayieks: gila yakk...
ayieks: kenapa orang2 sebangsa gitu bukan yg kena musibah tsunami??
stizilkin: it's the balance concept dear...
ayieks: kok gak di laen tempat aja.. yg banyak sinnernya, kan lumayan ngurangin manusia2 menyebalkan yg masih idup en bikin
bete orang laen
stizilkin: god in his mood to make new good people...
ayieks: i dont think so..
stizilkin: so he wiped the good old one...
ayieks: God in the mood of taking good people first, and left all the bastard alive to feel the end of the world
stizilkin: maybe he did...
stizilkin: and we are getting close aren't we...
ayieks: i think so..
ayieks: but if left all the bastard...bukannya yang di thailand tuh sinner semua???
ayieks: *confused*
ayieks: binun...
stizilkin: hahaha...
stizilkin: u forgot that HE is the Lord of Comedy...
ayieks: hummm...iye...emang the funniest in the whole world...

the chat with Ayiek ( again ) :
here

stizilkin: still in deep condolences as I can see..
ayieks: .....
ayieks: dan ruang kantor gue udah kayak gudang
ayieks: *grins*
ayieks: yang jelas, banyak doa, banyak sandang pangan yang ditumpuk2 di sinih
ayieks: besok dikirim ke aceh via DHL flight
stizilkin: that's great...
stizilkin: aku jg lg ngumpulin baju buat disumbangin...
ayieks: tadi ada juga yang contact, mo nyumbang vaksin 5 ton...
ayieks: tapi gue suruh langsung ke DHL biar di handling...soalna vaksin bisa rusak kalo gak di simpen di cold room
ayieks: kemaren beras 1 ton udah diberangkatin...alhamdulillah
ayieks: seneng liat orang2 yang biasanya mikir diri sendiri ternyata masih mikir deritanya orang laen
ayieks: i'm so happy to see that fact
stizilkin: well... remember I told ya bout my silly balance concept..
ayieks: yup...
stizilkin: there is still good people...
ayieks: but ya know the worst?
stizilkin: what?
ayieks: tomorrow, many people will get wild, drunk all nite...while our family in aceh are in suffer
ayieks: so sad
ayieks: a real balance concept
stizilkin: what occassion
stizilkin: ?
ayieks: rave party for new year eye
ayieks: eye = eve
stizilkin: yet the slogan still...."cry out for aceh"...
ayieks: rave party, free flow...
ayieks: shut
ayieks: and the craziest is....
ayieks: i wanna be one of them...
ayieks: silly...
ayieks: i know i supposed not to...
ayieks: but well...cant deny man...

One of my closest friend are in Aceh, a highschool friend. I tried to contact him, He's in Nabire. A 1st lieutenant in the Army. I was kinda worried because I tried to call him, but I kept getting a failed signal. So I tried to text him, and thankfully he got it and send me a text full of agony yet it relieved me that he was okay.

Yudhi told me that there are so many village turns into a total wreck, and it was worst than the war...

I can't say that we deserved this kind of warning, no human in this world is glad to see a devastating earthquake and tsunami. But sometime the hands of Nature is forced to make a hard slap on our face and a pinch to our conscience just to remind us of those things really important to us...

I realize that I maybe have my own slight disappointment on how thing works. I mean, I can stand to watch tv or went OL, since everytime I checked the body counts seems to grow in numbers.... but I choose to believe that everything is still on place... the world is still in balance... I choose to believe in GOD... and if that's God's will... 107.000 lives in total and 45.000 of them are in Aceh... so be it... I just hope that this so-called warnings from God are worth it... because we... human... are nothing more than impudant fools.

I hate to say this, but look at the spark on the bright side... Aceh has been in Civil War for years, maybe it's time for those who draw the line of battle to stop fighting.To put down their guns and hold each others hands and start to rebuild things together, but not based because "we have to..., their family is dying and it's not fun to shoot people in grief".

But based on "fighting and war are no good, they never meant to be good... we don't have to swarm the bullets to take lives... but LOVE is GOOD..." So yes my dear friends... " LET'S MAKE LOVE NOT WAR"

As this year almost end.... I have my ups and downs... Mostly downs, but hey... it's life anyway...

I cannot say that I still have the good constant things in my life. Infact, some of them are leaving me behind this week. Yesterday, Dewi is moving out to Indramayu with his husband, and I don't have the chance to say good bye. I send her a text asking her when the train leaves, and she text me back and told me that she's already on the train..."I've tried to call you this morning but the connections keep on failing, take care a good care of your self and please... take care the girls for me ..". Right then I hated Telkomsel....

For this 2 years, she's been a real good friend. She never failed to make laugh, and I wish I can have the same optimism as she had.
Some of my good friends in Jogja are moving out, last week Ari was moving out as well.. I bumped into him on a local cd store... He was a very good photograper for SetuSonten... and he's almost unreplaceable.

Ah... people come and people leave...

But at least... I still have my family, and friends... they maybe far away but I won't let them walking out from the special spot inside of me... Same thing goes to you my dear fellow bloggers.

Well... I just hope that the next year would be a much better year than this year... I have my hopes and hopefully most of them will be a reality for me... not much of a target though.... just some new good constant things in my life.... just like everybody else needs.... aren't you agree?..

posted @ 10:21 AM 1 comments

the.family.ties

2 comments Published Tuesday, December 21, 2004 by yani patrik.

Last Saturday I decided to take a ride on a bus and head to Semarang. I realize that spending a Saturday night on my own was already becoming a habit for me. But last Saturday I don’t felt like it. So I decided to go back home…. A trip that usually took 3 hour is expanded due a traffic jam at Ambarawa, it took me 4 and half hour. And I arrive at Semarang at 8.30 pm.

Some new things is happening at my house, I found out that it the whole house is re-painted again, it’s repainted in a brand new white paint. Then my little sister is rallying a coupe in a take over on my old room, it was re-painted in a yellow paint. My brother room up stairs is re-painted in a dark maroon color. And I ended sleeping on the new yellow couch… LOLYou see… my house have five bed rooms, for each one of us. But later, my Father and my Mom, slept in separated room. My Father gives up on my little sister sleeping behavior. She slept then moves like she’s on a kung-fu movie (You know what I mean…)… My parents woke up and had this bruises on their body… So my Father decided to have a separated room.

Hugs and kisses, that the thing you always get in being inside my family…. I felt like this was going to be a good Saturday evening for me…. But I was wrong…. That night I couldn’t sleep and feeling guilty….

What makes me sorry is that earlier that night; I had a little “argument” with my Father. We just finished having dinner, and having a nice conversation, but then later he told me to start looking for a real settling job and quit freelancing and doing “so-called fun jobs”…. I was kinda angry and out of control, because this is definitely not the kind of conversation I expected when I decided to go home. The words just burst out from my mouth…. And then I felt terrible, I know that he’s hurt…. And then he just left the table without saying good night and went to his bed room.

My mother looked at me with both angry and sorry looks. And the thing that hurt me then, is to realize that my father was right…

I woke up late the next morning and the whole family is gone, my mother and sister went to see my aunt, my brother is no where to be found and my father went to his office for an important job… I spent the whole day doing nothing; I’m not in the mood to go On-line…. Considering that it was Sunday, I felt like it was all bad karma turns out on me.My parents and I watched a soccer game later that night and it made me feel sorrier, because my father is acting that the fight between us is never happened. I tried to let it go but I couldn’t….

I decided to go back to Jogja on the next morning, and my mom asking me for a little chat….

“You know you father is right….” Said my mom calmly…
“I know mum…, and I felt terrible…”
My mom smiled, “Yet you cannot say you were sorry…, both of you are stone head….”
“I guess it runs in the family….” I said grimly
“We love you very much, and you know that your father only wants the best for you…and the best out of you….” My mom stressed the “love” and “best” word on her clear tone…
“…………………………………..” I sat silent; I realize I have to be a good role model for my brother and sister. Yet knowing that I kept failing over my father’s hopes is weighing the burden on my shoulder….

“Love is never a burden dear…”, My mom said that in her comforting smile as always….
And you can imagine my dumbfounded face as I never able to understand how my parents were always able to see trough and read my mind….

posted @ 4:48 AM 2 comments

h-day.h-day.h-day

0 comments Published Saturday, December 18, 2004 by yani patrik.

So... I'm finally done finishing my jobs at Dewi's wedding. And the wedding party was awesome, the food is so appealing... it was grand!!. I didn't eat that much tho... I kept myself busy in the back corner and watching people passed by... It was raining hard outside, but luckily... the rain doesn't last long... Thank God.

Do I enjoyed myself?... Sure... I'm so not a party animal, even in a wedding party. But since Dewi is been a real good friend for me, I found a way to enjoy myself in the crowd... I met some of my former lecturer and professor, and it was fun. Met some old friends in College too...

It's a pity that my camera was broken... and I forgot to ask Pay and Sapto to tag along, Pay is surely going to brought his digital camera and laugh his ass off, as I was wearing a "batik" suit last night... and believe me... it's very.... very rare view... ( I never felt comfortable wearing any kind of uniform... LOL ). And my friends always see me in a black jeans and black t-shirt... so some of them are mocking me when they saw me wearing something "formal". Can't blame them tho... I have to admit... I look better in a formal suit... LOL

Anyway... there is something really ironically funny... I was sitting on this long chair when a nanny is holding this cute little girl, and feeding her with some of baby food ( I forgot what that was... ), and I tried to gave the nanny a hand by cheering the little girl... And a few minutes later... a friend is coming at me and said..." ...you know what, I just talked to some people back there... and they think that you were that cute liltte girl's father...and they envy you....".

Ok... That was... really a pinch to my conscience....

But above all.... I really... really having a very good night...

PS:
To Dewi and Mas Gran, My best wishes for all the best to come to your life...

posted @ 7:09 AM 0 comments

the appointment in samarra

1 comments Published Thursday, December 02, 2004 by yani patrik.

Last night, I woke up at 3 am. I fall asleep... for the very first time in months.... I fall asleep. I get up from my bed... walking towards the mirror, and take a good look at my face... I kinda blurry on what happen next, but I ended up cuddling in the corner of my bed holding "College English" book and my fingers layed upon this page... the page that has this story....

"The Appointment in Samarra"

(W. Somerset Maugham )

There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, "Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd, and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me". "She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me".

The merchant lent him his horse, and as the servant mounted it, he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went.

Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw Death standing in the crowd and he came to her and said, "Why did you make a threating getsture to my servant when you saw him this morning?". "That was not a threatening gesture", Death said, " It was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra".

Well... this is my favorite short story ever.... I read it from the book my late uncle gave me. It's funny how, in so many times... we felt that life is too complicated for us, yet seems easier for others. But the story above often pushed me to sit down and contemplate...

When I read it for the 1st time... I ended up shuddering and laughing grimly.... Basically, that story is the main reason that I was so intriguid with death.... and what my future holds for me...

If life is just merely a tapestry of events that made from a chain of events, that has already laid down upon us. Then what's worth fighting?... But no.... That is too skeptical... even for a skeptical bastard like me...

PS:
Actually, I was going to post this story on new years eve... but I have my second thought... I hope you guys are able to take something from this story... And maybe... a better whole year in next year to come....

posted @ 1:48 AM 1 comments