and i would sing you a loud lullaby. when you hover aside and fall asleep. and when you drift in dreams... my loud lullaby will keep you awake.
Last Saturday I decided to take a ride on a bus and head to Semarang. I realize that spending a Saturday night on my own was already becoming a habit for me. But last Saturday I don’t felt like it. So I decided to go back home…. A trip that usually took 3 hour is expanded due a traffic jam at Ambarawa, it took me 4 and half hour. And I arrive at Semarang at 8.30 pm.
Some new things is happening at my house, I found out that it the whole house is re-painted again, it’s repainted in a brand new white paint. Then my little sister is rallying a coupe in a take over on my old room, it was re-painted in a yellow paint. My brother room up stairs is re-painted in a dark maroon color. And I ended sleeping on the new yellow couch… LOLYou see… my house have five bed rooms, for each one of us. But later, my Father and my Mom, slept in separated room. My Father gives up on my little sister sleeping behavior. She slept then moves like she’s on a kung-fu movie (You know what I mean…)… My parents woke up and had this bruises on their body… So my Father decided to have a separated room.
Hugs and kisses, that the thing you always get in being inside my family…. I felt like this was going to be a good Saturday evening for me…. But I was wrong…. That night I couldn’t sleep and feeling guilty….
What makes me sorry is that earlier that night; I had a little “argument” with my Father. We just finished having dinner, and having a nice conversation, but then later he told me to start looking for a real settling job and quit freelancing and doing “so-called fun jobs”…. I was kinda angry and out of control, because this is definitely not the kind of conversation I expected when I decided to go home. The words just burst out from my mouth…. And then I felt terrible, I know that he’s hurt…. And then he just left the table without saying good night and went to his bed room.
My mother looked at me with both angry and sorry looks. And the thing that hurt me then, is to realize that my father was right…
I woke up late the next morning and the whole family is gone, my mother and sister went to see my aunt, my brother is no where to be found and my father went to his office for an important job… I spent the whole day doing nothing; I’m not in the mood to go On-line…. Considering that it was Sunday, I felt like it was all bad karma turns out on me.My parents and I watched a soccer game later that night and it made me feel sorrier, because my father is acting that the fight between us is never happened. I tried to let it go but I couldn’t….
I decided to go back to Jogja on the next morning, and my mom asking me for a little chat….
“You know you father is right….” Said my mom calmly…
“I know mum…, and I felt terrible…”
My mom smiled, “Yet you cannot say you were sorry…, both of you are stone head….”
“I guess it runs in the family….” I said grimly
“We love you very much, and you know that your father only wants the best for you…and the best out of you….” My mom stressed the “love” and “best” word on her clear tone…
“…………………………………..” I sat silent; I realize I have to be a good role model for my brother and sister. Yet knowing that I kept failing over my father’s hopes is weighing the burden on my shoulder….
“Love is never a burden dear…”, My mom said that in her comforting smile as always….
And you can imagine my dumbfounded face as I never able to understand how my parents were always able to see trough and read my mind….
Some new things is happening at my house, I found out that it the whole house is re-painted again, it’s repainted in a brand new white paint. Then my little sister is rallying a coupe in a take over on my old room, it was re-painted in a yellow paint. My brother room up stairs is re-painted in a dark maroon color. And I ended sleeping on the new yellow couch… LOLYou see… my house have five bed rooms, for each one of us. But later, my Father and my Mom, slept in separated room. My Father gives up on my little sister sleeping behavior. She slept then moves like she’s on a kung-fu movie (You know what I mean…)… My parents woke up and had this bruises on their body… So my Father decided to have a separated room.
Hugs and kisses, that the thing you always get in being inside my family…. I felt like this was going to be a good Saturday evening for me…. But I was wrong…. That night I couldn’t sleep and feeling guilty….
What makes me sorry is that earlier that night; I had a little “argument” with my Father. We just finished having dinner, and having a nice conversation, but then later he told me to start looking for a real settling job and quit freelancing and doing “so-called fun jobs”…. I was kinda angry and out of control, because this is definitely not the kind of conversation I expected when I decided to go home. The words just burst out from my mouth…. And then I felt terrible, I know that he’s hurt…. And then he just left the table without saying good night and went to his bed room.
My mother looked at me with both angry and sorry looks. And the thing that hurt me then, is to realize that my father was right…
I woke up late the next morning and the whole family is gone, my mother and sister went to see my aunt, my brother is no where to be found and my father went to his office for an important job… I spent the whole day doing nothing; I’m not in the mood to go On-line…. Considering that it was Sunday, I felt like it was all bad karma turns out on me.My parents and I watched a soccer game later that night and it made me feel sorrier, because my father is acting that the fight between us is never happened. I tried to let it go but I couldn’t….
I decided to go back to Jogja on the next morning, and my mom asking me for a little chat….
“You know you father is right….” Said my mom calmly…
“I know mum…, and I felt terrible…”
My mom smiled, “Yet you cannot say you were sorry…, both of you are stone head….”
“I guess it runs in the family….” I said grimly
“We love you very much, and you know that your father only wants the best for you…and the best out of you….” My mom stressed the “love” and “best” word on her clear tone…
“…………………………………..” I sat silent; I realize I have to be a good role model for my brother and sister. Yet knowing that I kept failing over my father’s hopes is weighing the burden on my shoulder….
“Love is never a burden dear…”, My mom said that in her comforting smile as always….
And you can imagine my dumbfounded face as I never able to understand how my parents were always able to see trough and read my mind….
2 Responses to “the.family.ties”
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behind the blog
- yani patrik
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and days go by
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sometimes I think families all over the world, no matter how different they are, sometimes they all seem the same...
My parents are the same way...My father gets disappointed in me in alot of ways, the way that your father wishes you to get a 'real settling job' instead of you doing what you're doing for work... and my father doesn't understand sometimes how I want my life to be, and why I want to do, things that I do in my lifetime.
Then my mother does what your mother does... She tries to make me see things from my father's point of view, but she also knows the way that I am feeling, and although she wants the best for me, sometimes she feels that my father will always see things about me, in the same way that he does...and how she could never be able to change his mind about things we do in the family...
Don't feel too bad about it, it will all work out...When I feel this way about my father, I just have to realize that its not because he's disappointed in me, its that there is alot to me he doesn't know, and perhaps he misunderstands, and he doesn't see things the way I see them...But it will all be okay.
Talk to you again soon... Always, Sephira
Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! »