I talk to sapto again last night...

I bumped him on my fave cybercafe. And he happens to be just a few box away.. wonder why he didn't get ol from home...

Later we wen't out to get a dinner..the he said " man... dunno what the heck is happening 2 me... but lately... I got bored with my life...".

It kinda surprised me at 1st. " why...??". He points at some couple and some girls passed us by... But that's not the answer... I knew him too well..

He said that right now he felt like he's on a cross road... I don't have to remind him that life is merely taking, or more correct choosing an option. He said it to me directly when I'm going to shoot him with that line...

"Okay... I get ur point" said I. "I got bored too... sometimes... But what's with those couple ??... You felt lonely ??...".

He'll laugh himself out... and said " I thought you're the one who's always been lonely..".

I swear I could felt that line hit me like a hook.



Line of the day : "...So.. the joy is never quite complete.."
( Heather Graham : Hope Springs )
posted @ 2:44 AM   0 comments

last night she came.... again dancing and teasing...
I just smiled bitterly...
my dear death... why just thy pretends to shy...

she whisper slowly.... 
not yet dear... not yet....
your lip is not sweet enough....
endure your agony....
time hasn't finished drawing your lineage...

again...  I fall....

 

Line of the day : "....I don't like things getting complicated..."
( John Statham : The Transpotter )
posted @ 4:23 AM   0 comments

I've been thinking... should I retire being an editor or what...
All I know that I had to move on... it's not like I didn't enjoy it..
I do... I love the magz more than any my comrades would ever realize...

While reality is forcing me to face the fact, that somehow this lack of attention of mine over this past week, is going to drag my friend into unpleasant situation...

It's always hard if you've decided to jump on the the field that really not yours... I'm not saying that I'm not blend in well...
I did... but... dunno... this magz is dying... and I don't have the heart to put it to an end... but on the other side... I really had to move on...

btw... that short stories I've been writing lately... is developing way beyond any my imagination...


Line of the day : ".... now, choose...!! "
( Willem Dafoe ; Spiderman )


posted @ 1:29 AM   1 comments

====puisi ngawur berakhiran U====

abel "keponakanku"..
nih kenalin pamanmu yang lucu..
dulu teman baik abahmu..
dari SMP sampai SMU...

abel keponakanku...
biarlah lima tahun berlalu..
kutunggu tumbuhnya dirimu...
Kan kuajak dirimu bersenandung merdu.

Abel keponakanku...
jika sudah lima tahun usiamu...
temanilah pamanmu...
mencari wanita pelipur sendu...

Jika abahmu tak mengijinkan mu...
biar kugetok dia di dagu...
agar dia bolehkan dirimu...
temenin pamanmu cari cewek baru...

Abel keponakanku....
maafkan puisi ngawur pamanmu...
tak lupa titip salam dari kalbu...
untuk Abah dan Bundamu..

.===Spi[n]===jogjakarta 12:41 pm, 24.09.2004
di sebuah warnet berwarna biru...
huhuhuhuhu.....

( actually... this was my testimonial in friendster to a very good friend of mine,
he just became a father.... I'm so happy 4 u Bro.... )
posted @ 2:13 AM   2 comments

posted @ 5:31 PM   0 comments

posted @ 2:01 AM   1 comments

Seven years in Jogjakarta....

I just graduated....( it took me 7 years just to get that silly.. yellow.. tiny... rope on that five squared hat, moved from the left side to the right side... ). I knew that look on the deans face when he shakes my hand... It's the look that stated..." finally we've got rid of you... you old school bastard..." LOL

Seven years..., and I've seen the same boy, singing on the same traffic lights almost everyday...hoping for a drop of a coin from the cars windows...

Seven years..., and I'm glad I can be a part of those hard working people, working our guts to make hundreds people able to enjoy good music for free...

Seven years...., and this damn recurring injury on my right knee has made me stop doing wall climbing...

Seven years..., and I had so many discipline breakdown...

Seven years..., and I still have no idea how I ended up as a civil engineer...

And one and a half year..., that damned "multiple orgasm" book of mine finally return... ( and bloody hell... my book looks awful...)



Line of the day : "...I'm just not finished yet..."
( Kiefer Sutherland ; Phone Booth )posted @ 6:17 AM   1 comments

Dammit.... I just woke up and realized I fall asleep in a cyber cafe !!!...

Heck.... I’ll write something anyway....

Dunno what’s going on. But lately, I’ve found myself so intrigued with death...
To me... it’s not love, that make you stop and contemplate...it’s death.

I’m planning to write a short story about a boy that get so obsessed with death, but my brain was to tired to even get a story flow as I wanted it to...

I’m thinking about two death... a she... and a he... At the moment you die...She kisses you softly and then you die gracefully...

While he bend his knee and asking Lord for a forgiveness...then he stands up... and cut your throat in a grim reaper style...( on 2nd thought, I think... I’ll make him more comfy with a shotgun or something...) ... :)

So... it really depends on how you live your life....

Huff... GTG people... I don’t want to fall asleep here anymore... It cost too much for a poor guy like me ( LOL )


Line of the day : "...he's not on my list..."
( Ian McKellen ; Last Action Hero )posted @ 5:01 AM   1 comments

( Actually... I'm dead tired !! ), my fingers are starting a rebel against me. They always hit the wrong alphabet on the keyboard, it took me almost 10 minutes just to wrote this shit...

WHITE FLAG FINGERS !!!!.... I GIVE UP !!!



Line of the day : "...maybe we weren't that good..."
(Adam Pascal ; The School of Rock )posted @ 11:59 PM   1 comments

...I just talk to Sapto. And I told him almost everything. My fears, my darkest irony, my contemplation, my sin..... and my hope ( I thought I lost them.. )

And you can guess the look on his face... he's shocked alright.

I'm vindicated...

I'm tired running... and suddenly I miss the my dear ghost... hoping that she would woke me up and told me to get a midnight prayer...and not freaked me out again. I think for tonight I'll sleep on my old boarding house...got some friends still hangin there... ( miss ur ghostly beauty...)

I left my routine prayer for about a month... and now I felt like I'm gonna stumble.

A quarter of a century... and the years slowly has drawed some line age upon my forehead. Yet, I have no idea where the dear fate will take me...

Last night on my dream...I thought I've seen death... and she runs her finger and scrambling my messy hair...she pinch my nose knowing I'd hate that but I'd do nothing...she blinks her eyes and told me that I had to wait for about 40 years...and later she'll promise me a sweet kiss on that day...

I cried... "Okay... I'll wait... but it's gotta be you... not the man in a black rope pointing his scythe on hells waiting list..."

She's gone... but the whisper echoed... "Dear...didn't I just promised you a kiss..., angels don't tell lies..."

And then...I fall gracefully...



Line of the day :"...I wanted it to be you... I wanted it so badly..."
( Meg Ryan ; You've Got Mail )
posted @ 1:48 PM   1 comments

this is a total failure...

there’s a weird line that got stuck in my head in the later stages of my adolescence. I can’t remember where it’s from; a friend, a story? But someone was talking to some sad fellow, and the phrase “freak” is uttered. The sad fellow rears up contemptuously and roars, “You ever been hit by a freak boy ??”

It was obvious that the sad boy were judged without any reasonable doubt...

a complete misunderstanding...
at first... maybe it was a sensitivity that overrated...

For one mistake, I shall pay dearly... and judged as guilty...as a maniac...
I don't want to call her, even if I wanted to... right now...it would make everythings worse.

I mean... I've been judged by people all the time, in this real life. I can take that...go ahead and pinch me !!!. But not in virtual world..., when someone you'll unlikely to see have judged you... I found that as a devastating situation.

But it's my fault anyway... I'm the one who got freaked out first right ???...

And now... I'm officially A FREAK...( without the necessity of a verdict )




Line of the day : "....it's not about you...., you mathematical DICK !!!... It's about the boy..."

( Robbin Williams : Good Will Hunting )posted @ 9:46 AM   2 comments

I just wish I could make everything right...

I didn't think of any consequences. Now everything turns out to be another total nightmare...

I think my nightmares are hunting me down again... this is a bad timing for another episodes of nightmare !!!

I just cannot afford to let people down, or to freak them out…
No... not this time...never...

....stab my soul...yet I'll revive...
....blind my eyes...yet I'll revive...
....break my bones...yet I'll revive...
....kill me another way...
....for I couldn't endure another reviving agony...


Line of the day : "....ohhh...the agooniiiiiyyyy...."
( Bugs Bunny : Loney Tunes; Back in Action )posted @ 1:44 PM   2 comments

I just watched the Oprah show on tv… and saw this girl… her name is Alex Scott, she 8 years old... I swear I could wept and cried the irony...

Alex had a cancer... she’ve raised fund over 200.000 USD, just by selling lemonade...

Is it just me or else... But suddenly I felt so tiny in front of my TV...

There's a real hero out there people !!!


Line of the day : "....this thing is kinda heavy...."
( Tobey Maguire : Spider-Man 2 )
posted @ 10:27 PM   0 comments

Geez... I almost lost my cell twice in a day...

first at the cyber cafe... I realize my cell wasn't there in my bag when I got home. I rushed back and ride my bike 100 km/h...

and second in the bus station...
Thanks to those honest people...



Line of the day : "...grab shell dude !!!...."posted @ 7:46 AM   1 comments

When I text one of my friend, and told her that she've freaked me out. I made a wrong decision... Later she called, and asked me why I got freaked out... She even called me... damn !!!.

I was over reacted on something that turns out to be nothing...

Damn... I felt like a 5 years old boy, afraid his new toy is lost or taken away.
I dunno... what the heck is happening to me...

I tried to let it go, wipe it out from my head.

I looked at my right thumb, and blame it for pressing the pad on my cell...
Yeah spin... blame it on the thumb...


Line of the day : "...I'll fix things up mom, I promise..."
( Aston Kutcher ; The Butterfly Effect )posted @ 3:22 PM   1 comments

Yesterday, I found my lost heaven...
A place called district library. Gezz, I've been in this town for about 7 years now and didn't even notice that there are two district library here... shoot !!

So I went there, and just smell those old books I felt err... funny but...dunno... enormously happy...

But when I decided to borrow some books, the librarian told me that I have to be a student or a local people. Student ??, dude... I just graduated, and my new class on my new campus won't started until 27th september... geez I cannot wait that long...

Kinda disappointed, I went to "shopping"... No, not shopping, the place is actually called "shopping"... I tried to hunt some classic book, and the prize is crazeeyy!!!.

My good mood is completely gone... But guess what, I suddenly remember one website that offers a vast collection of classical short stories.
http://www.angeltowns.com/members/shortstories/index.html
Sooo... I'm happy again and downloading sooo many short stories...

Yummy...

Line of the day :" sooo... what brings you on this fine day to the E.A.C ???... "
( Crush ( Andrew Stanton ) : Finding Nemo )

posted @ 7:36 AM   3 comments

Well, when you thought that you know things... is likely you'll hit the wall of nothingness. Ignorance is a bliss..

I'd love to say that I almost fully recover from those deep wounds after some shitty chains of events that has been shadowing me for almost a year...

I was there, well... almost "less" human...

But when I thought I'll be able to make my way back. I hit another wall, maybe it was only my overrated sensivity...LOL

I dare myself to write a letter of "confession" to a friend of mine just now, hope that she'll understand that I wouldn't take her for granted...

Line of the day : " and between thair legs.... heaven"
( Al Pacino ; Scent of a Woman )posted @ 3:23 AM   2 comments

I forgot the last time I had a wet dream.... So I went to bed last night, and hoping that my sexy fairy would be sooo nice to give me a wet dream... :) LOL

And guess what ??... she actually listening my wishes.....so there we go... hour by hour, and last night was my lucky night.... It's kinda blurry but I recall it was 3some party....

But the thing is, I obviously forgot that my new landlady has sooo many chicken... and at five in the morning.... ( believe me.. ).. they sounds like total nightmare !!!. By the time that I was going to do the thing... those chicken started a screaming contest !!... I woke up and found out that nothing wet on my pants.... I was damn upset.

So at nine, I jump onto my bike, and went to one of my fave place to eat and got my revenge.... a hot chicken BBQ.... I went back home, and save the burping for those damn chicken !!..... :D


Line of the day : "...and for those who love me.... FOLLOW ME..."
( Milla Jovovich : The Messenger )posted @ 7:06 PM   0 comments

Moving..., and seconds ticking..

This September I've moved out of my old room,....a small room with red brick color painting, and that navy blue curtain. I stand in the middle of this room taking a deep breath, then on my last steps out of it, I stood in front of the door for a few moment. Just standing there and those memories flashes back, every single second of joy and despair, success and failure. Then a mixed feeling scrambled...

This room was so full of memories, I can smell the fresh painting in the air when I first got here. It just felt like yesterday, when I lay my self here and rest from the strain, this room has been the most comforting shelter in my last seven year. There was this writing in the door that I pick from a song from Collective Soul, "..who could bring me heaven when heaven is already here..??". Well....., this small room was my little heaven ( at least I think so ).

Memories......, All those past, those names come and go, friends and foes, everything you've seen, you've felt, you've heard, you loved, you left behind. Thousand days, billion seconds. these slice by slice of memories filling the space in your mind.., and finally became something we feel grateful for or regret. Then all of your hopes and dreams, some of them became reality and the other has fall down...not forgetting the other you'll chase.

We'll never be able to step back in our life, all we can do is stop and rest a while to turn our head back, turn to look at those memories, then moving on our life again. Until the end when we reach the last door as the end of our life.

One thing I know for sure, memories will always be a part of our life. Everything you've been through will be your shadow in every step you'll make, it will make you stronger if you want it, and make you crumble if you let it. No matter if it's good or bad memories...., To rise or fall while moving with our life it's up to us. It's up to us to cherish or to forget this memories, and thanking ( or maybe cursing ) anyone or anything that takes a part in it.

So..., I'm going to leave the room where I've spent most of my daily life these last seven year. I pull my last bag then close the door smoothly. And walk away to start a new page in my life....., I whisper good bye and thanking this old and small room to be a part of my life and at least for being a comforting shelter in my life....posted @ 2:14 AM   1 comments

test...

Okay, I'm trying to get myself used to any web activities again !!!. No more mindless boring spot on my day...


Line of the day : "...because I choose to..."
( Keanu Revees ; Matrix Revolution )posted @ 5:43 PM   2 comments